My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
