I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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