Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
