he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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