went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
