just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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