My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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