OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
