she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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