Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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