well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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