I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
