Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
