She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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