I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
