They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
