Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
