Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
