Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
