actually, I'm a sock model
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
