This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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