I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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