We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
