We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm drive I can fine osifer
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
