My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
