haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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