I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
