Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
