cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
