Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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