oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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