I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
