Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
