you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
