You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
