Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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