Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
