Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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