Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
