I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
