she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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