So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
