"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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