he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
