I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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