Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
