i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
