I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
