I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
