Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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