dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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