let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
